When the pandemic started started it didn’t effect me other than wearing a mask. I was a stay at home mom. I’m a natural introvert and therefore spent most of my time isolated anyways. However, at the beginning of this summer I was looking for childcare so I could go back to school and ended up with a job at the center my son attended. That is, until we were shut down due to covid. Now I’m faced with a dilemma many other guardians have had to make: to work or not to work.
I started off like everyone else. Making a list of pros and cons and examining it.
Pro: socialization, 10 points to working.
Con: less time with my son, -10 points to working
Pro: flexibility for doctor appointments and errands, 10 points to staying at home.
Con: less money, -10 points to staying home.
This got me no where. I tried looking for advice, but I was criticized no matter my choice. “What do you do all day?” When I stayed home, but “Oh wow, you’re going to let your child spend all day with strangers so you can work? So selfish!” When I went to work.
So how was I supposed to decide what’s best for my child? The fact is there’s no right answer. If you quit your job to stay at home and teach your children during or before the pandemic you are hard working, and valid. If money is just too tight and you have to work or staying at home just isn’t good for your mental health that’s okay! You are also hard working and valid.
For the moment I have decided to stay home, but I’ve noticed a lot of doors open for me, so it may or may not be permanent. I’m going to let God lead me wherever He wants me.
If you’re ever in doubt pray. If you don’t get an answer, then be still. Whatever that may look like for you. Just remember, no matter what season you’re in you are valid and Jesus loves you.
All throughout my pregnancy I read up on breastfeeding and was excited for that bond. Although after my son was born I had supplement with formula, I still breast fed on demand till 18 months. It was not baby led weaning.
It was a love hate relationship. I loved the bond, I loved our attachment, but with it came 18 months of no sleep, dry cracked nipples, surviving thrush in not only my son’s mouth, but my nipples. This is not to forget what happened next. The teeth came. He began to bite, teeth, and chew on my nipples. It was painful. If he wasn’t doing that he was twiddling my nipples. I grew a hatred that lasts to today of my nipples being touched.
Although, we also bottle fed it was nearly impossible to wake my husband, I’d become painfully engorged, and my nipples were the only way to get my son to sleep. My husband just had useless nipples. I resented my husband for them. Don’t get me wrong, I would do it again. The bond, the benefits, it was worth it. Of course, however, fed is best.
My son is now 23 months old. My son still like to twiddle the nipple. When lying with him I lay on my stomach to deter this. Here is where I got my revenge.
We were sitting on the couch one evening and my son decided to attention get the booby. I said no. Noticing my husband next to us wasn’t wearing a shirt I told my son, “Why don’t you play with daddy’s nipples? See daddy has nipples too.”
He did
My husband started saying ouch and complaining. “Why can’t he play with your nipples?” I’d just respond “18 months.” Now anytime my husband is shirtless our son twiddles his nipples. It is great. Just watching him go through a minor version of what I did is the perfect revenge.
This may seem silly and petty, but for all breastfeeding mama’s out there, I’m sure you understand this joy over the useless nipple revenge. Comment any of your stories!
As a stay at home mom I often wonder how women in the 50s did it. I made a comment to my uncle the other day saying how I’d have to mop the floor every day to keep it clean, and that’s impossible. He replied, “Well, your Nanny did it.” My Nanny was my great grandmother.
I spent a while trying to figure out how she cooked meals from scratch every day, kept the house spotless, gardened, milked cows, tended to farm animals, watched several children and so on, while I’m struggling just to watch my son and keep the house clean. I’ve joked it’s because back then they had coke in their Coca-Cola. However, another conversation with my uncle brought me to realize how she did it.
I was bragging on my son about how he’s a big helper when my uncle said that’s how he was raised. When asked to explain he told me, “Your Nanny would have me, and the other kids she was watching come do chores with her. Then when we got older she started sending us to do them by ourselves.” It then dawned on me.
“She had her children, along with others she watched, do the chores. She wasn’t some overworked machine. She delegated her responsibilities, and taught the children in her care life skills in the process.”
It wasn’t just my great grandmother either. Back then farmers typically had 10 or more children to work on the farm. This is why most schools are out for the summer. It was so that the children could help with the summer harvest. My grandmother used to tell me how as children the oldest girl would stay home and care for the babies, and her and the younger children would “tend to the house” while once you were older you were “sent to the fields to work.”
I’m not suggesting we make our children do child labor. However, teaching your child to do chores has many benefits. You can start as young as one year old, and the sooner they learn to do chores the easier it is to build those habits. Here are a few benefits chores have for you and your children:
1. It keeps them occupied
• If you’re like me you are constantly trying to figure out ways to entertain your child, especially toddlers. If they aren’t entertained they are causing chaos. Whether it be a tantrum because they are bored, throwing toys everywhere, getting into things they don’t need to, or just keeping you from doing what you need to get done. You also can’t do chores if you’re entertaining your child, and no one wants to feel mom guilt over too much screen time.
• Having your child do chores gives them something to do. If you treat it like a fun game it’ll be something they love to do.
2. It teaches life long skills
• We read articles all the time about how today’s generation doesn’t know how to “adult”. Whether it be how to do laundry, cook, or even how to clean a toilet. Sometimes we even find ourselves googling how to do things. I remember having to google how long to boil eggs when I first moved out. We have to break this cycle with our children. We do this by having them do these things. You have them do age appropriate chores.
3. It can help with development
• How could chores help a child with their development? It depends on the exact chore, however I will give some examples. Matching socks, or putting toys away into the correct place helps with cognitive development. Naming the object they are getting or using, and telling them how to do something or naming what they are doing, or simply describe things helps with language development. Sweeping, loading laundry, dusting are all things that help with fine and gross motor development.
4. It helps you
• It honestly may take longer to do chores at first. However they are actually getting done, and you don’t have an upset child screaming while you try to do chores. Also, think when they’re older how you can delegate chores so you have less to worry about getting done.
Chores have many benefits for not only you, but your child also. For more information on how to get your child to do chores, age appropriate chores, and more please follow, like, and subscribe. Check out my other channels below!
Since the New Year I’ve been thinking about my goal for this blog, and sharing what I share. Of course it’d be nice to go viral and get paid, but that’s not my goal.
My goal is to help people and spread awareness.
Growing up I was pushed away from Christianity by bullying from my peers and the adults in my life. Looking back now I can’t believe some things adults said and did in to a child. I don’t want anyone to go through what I did, so my purpose is to help people and spread awareness.
I will talk about positive parenting, and how to help your child.
I will show why mental health should be a priority.
I will talk about the Bible and Jesus. What I believe He would want us to do. “He would love first,” as Josh Willson sings in his song Revolutionary.
I will give tips and things I have found helpful in my parenting journey so far.
I don’t claim to be an expert on anything. I have much to learn. However, based off of my research, my experiences, and my knowledge I will give you everything I know and believe. If anything I hope it sparks a conversation.
Let me know if there is a specific topic you would like to learn more about, and I will share my knowledge with you. Happy New Years.
The Virgin Mary is one of the most hardcore women in the Bible. If you’re a woman you’ll agree with me. I hate how people make Mary out to be this gentle mom with a soft glow in a cute little stable with Jesus in a cute little manger. There is nothing cute about this scene, except maybe the idea of Jesus as a baby.
First, let me point out Mary was a teen. She was engaged to Joseph. This alone wasn’t a cute little love story. Joseph would have paid for her and it would have been an arrangement between Joseph and her parents. Let me reiterate that she was a teen! In those times they were married as teenagers. 13-16 years old. That’s hard in itself.
If Joseph hadn’t pardoned her and taken responsibility she would have been killed for getting pregnant before married. It’s hard enough being pregnant without a father in the picture now a days. Can you imagine if you were at risk of being murdered for it?
It was an unplanned pregnancy. She didn’t expect Jesus, and only had 9 months to prepare. Part of that was spent away at Elizabeth’s hiding from angry crowds. She also had to travel, on a donkey days away to Bethlehem. I hated riding in a car while pregnant, let alone on a donkey in the desert for days?
There were no hospitals. There wasn’t even a car or hotel for her to rest in, let alone give birth at. No one was letting a pregnant teenager probably having contractions in there place. Not only did they just not want to deal with the mess, and high risk of death due to pregnancy in those times, but a mother was considered unclean after giving birth. That would be like letting someone into your business knowing they have COVID-19 then having to shut everything down and every one in there have to quarantine.
An innkeeper allowed them to stay in his stable. A barn. It’s not cute like the movies or pictures. It is a barn. It is full of dirty cattle. It smells (and us mamas know how smells are while pregnant). There is poop everywhere. Where Marry laid Jesus, it wasn’t cute either. A manger is a feeding trough. Slop, grain, hay are put in there. The animals have food fall out of their mouths into it. It is unsanitary and disgusting.
They had no doctor. They had no midwife. She had Joseph who was a blacksmith and most likely didn’t know anything about delivering a baby. She had no epidural. Think about the umbilical cord. If they were lucky they had scissors, hopefully at least a knife. Then she has to deliver her placenta?!? I’d assume it didn’t need to be stitched up, but for all we know she did and that’s why they had to lay Jesus in a dirty feeding trough.
Then think of the pressure. Your child is God fully human. The God that created you. The God who created the earth, the angels, the universe. You are in charge of being His mom. His caregiver. That would be so much pressure! Can you imagine the mom guilt and shame she felt when she lost him for three days?
Lastly, think of the pain. Crucifixion is one of the most painful ways to die, and she watched her son die on that cross. She watched him be ridiculed, mocked, and torture. She watched soldiers gamble over his clothes. She saw him buried in a tomb, possibly not realizing what would happen in three days. She experienced a grief I hope to never encounter
Mary was hardcore. She went through so much that we hopefully never have to. She went through all that so the Savior would be born and die for us. Think on this and thank God for Mary of the Bible.
I want to see a church filled with LGBTQ, witches, POC, addicts, and all those who have been cast aside. I want to see a church that follows Jesus’s example. I want to see a church that loves with no conditions. I want to see a church full of black sheep. I want to see … Continue reading The church I want to see→
When the pandemic started started it didn’t effect me other than wearing a mask. I was a stay at home mom. I’m a natural introvert and therefore spent most of my time isolated anyways. However, at the beginning of this summer I was looking for childcare so I could go back to school and ended … Continue reading To Work or Not to Work: The Pandemic Dilemma→
All throughout my pregnancy I read up on breastfeeding and was excited for that bond. Although after my son was born I had supplement with formula, I still breast fed on demand till 18 months. It was not baby led weaning. It was a love hate relationship. I loved the bond, I loved our attachment, … Continue reading The Useless Nipple Revenge→
As a stay at home mom I often wonder how women in the 50s did it. I made a comment to my uncle the other day saying how I’d have to mop the floor every day to keep it clean, and that’s impossible. He replied, “Well, your Nanny did it.” My Nanny was my great … Continue reading The Importance of Chores→
Since the New Year I’ve been thinking about my goal for this blog, and sharing what I share. Of course it’d be nice to go viral and get paid, but that’s not my goal. My goal is to help people and spread awareness. Growing up I was pushed away from Christianity by bullying from my … Continue reading New Year Goals→
Your toddler is throwing another tantrum. Your teenager just back talked you. You have had enough. You yell at your toddler and you break your teens phone. Your toddler is now bawling their eyes out and your teenager stare in shock. Later you find they aren’t exhibiting this behavior in front of you, so it must work right? Wrong.
This is an anger punishment and fear-based response. Although you may no longer see the bad behavior, you have not taught them why their actions are wrong. Your toddler was having big emotions and no longer trusts to share them with you. They are simply eternalizing their emotions and devolving unhealthy coping mechanisms. Your teenager is still being disrespectful, only behind your back.
Later your toddler is at the playground. Their friend does something they don’t like, and your toddler screams at them in response cause their friend to cry. They then go on playing as though they did nothing wrong. Your teenager is learning to be more sneaky. They don’t trust you with anything that could make you angry. They are learning to hide things, and some of these could even be dangerous.
It may be easier to become angry and punish your child, but it is not going to help them, or your relationship in the long run.
Anger punishments seem to work because:
Your child stops what they were doing
You don’t see them behaving this way in the future
What you are actually seeing is a fear-based response. Although this looks like it worked, here’s what’s actually going on:
Your child no longer trusts you
They begin to hide things from you
They are afraid of you
They are still struggle with the root causes
They see anger punishment as a normal response
What results we would actually like to see are:
Understanding why their behavior was wrong
Trusting you with small and big things
Ceasing bad behavior
Respect
We can only achieve these results if we go the long way around. That looks like:
Punishment and discipline are very different. Punishment is something rash done out of anger, more than likely something you experienced growing up. Discipline is thought out, set in place, and even discussed before the action is committed, such as having a boundary in place stating no screen time until chores are done.
So you’ve already punished your child out of anger. Is your relationship ruined? No it is not. This is a good time to model that we are all human and make mistakes. Apologize to your child. Explain why you were so angry. Explain what you did was wrong and ask for forgiveness. When you do this you are not only mending your relationship, but showing we are all humans who mess up and need forgiveness.
I recently posted how you can support your wife, but now we wives need to learn a few things we can do to support our husbands.
1) Don’t nag
I know what you’re thinking. ”I don’t nag.” Believe me, you do. I’m a control freak at times. If he doesn’t do it right or doesn’t start on the task immediately I feel the need to tell him so. We have to stop it. If you’re not sure if he heard you, ask if he hears you instead of repeating yourself. If he didn’t do something the way you would like ask yourself if it’s something you can live with. If not tell him you are thankful he did what he did, but you would prefer it if he did it this way.
2) Let him have guys night
How many times do you think, ”I just need abreak”? Guys are thinking the same thing. They may blow off steam differently than us, but they still need that time. So fix them some burgers and go have a special day with your kids.
3) Support his ambitions
You’re your husband’s biggest cheerleader. Men’s ideas get put down all the time, just like ours do. They simply hide it better. Let your husband know he’s doing a good job. Show interest in his ambitions and even invest in them.
4) Don’t assume he knows
This is another one of my biggest flaws. I tend to think, “Why would he do that? He knows it bothers me.” But why do we assume that he knows? Your husband loves you and isn’t going to do anything to upset you. Instead of assuming, ask. Either he doesn’t know or sees it from a different perspective than you.
5) Learn to speak his love language
Every person is different. We each speak a different love language. A love language is simply the kind of acts that make a person feel loved. There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. I highly suggest every couple read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. You can find a copy here.
6) Let him take responsibility
I know he may do things differently than you, and the towels may not be folded exactly right, but this is something you both need. You need a break, and he needs to take responsibility for his half. We are not able to do it all, and he is capable of playing house and parenting your children. Wanting to control our husbands is a problem we women have had sense biblical time when Eve sinned and we were cursed to want to control our husbands. Remember that next time you want to stop him from taking responsibility.
7) Give him time with your child
Your husband and child need time to bond. If they don’t spend time together how is your husband supposed to know what size clothes he’s in, what his favorite toys are, or what’s going on in their life.
8) Fix his coffee
Fix his coffee when he’s running behind. Give him a massage after a long day. Have supper ready when he gets home. Tell him he’s doing a good job. Do little things that show you care.
9) Plan a date night (that he’d enjoy)
Our relationships need us to nurture them. A good way to do this are dates. Most of the time though, dates are commercialized and pushed towards women. Do things your husband would like. Go watch the latest Avengers. Go to the rodeo. Go watch the race. Go to his favorite restaurant, or even just stay in and play video games. One thing I like to do is is each write down 10 date ideas we want to do, fold them, put them in a cup, and pull one out the day before your date night. You never know what you’re going to get and it is 50/50 which you’ll get.
10) Let him be emotional
In today’s world men are taught not to have emotions. They are taught that men don’t cry, men aren’t scared, men aren’t sad, etc. when this is not true. We are all humans given emotions by God. Be your man’s safe space. Let him be comfortable showing his emotions to you.
I hope these tips help you support your husband! Leave a comment on how you support your spouse.
I see women all the time saying how upset they are. ”My husband doesn’t appreciate all I do.” ”My husband doesn’t know half of what I do.” ”I do way more than my share and never get a break.” I have an amazing husband, but I even find myself saying these things sometimes. I decided to compile a list of things you can do to support your wife.
1) Do chores
If your wife asks you everyday to do the same thing (I.e. take out the trash or feed dogs) do them without asking. More than likely she has her hands full with a million other things. ”I need to do the laundry.” ”The kids haven’t even started their school project.” ”Did I read to the baby yet?” ”Those dishes aren’t going to clean themselves.” When she asks you to do the same things over and over, she simply can’t handle those things on her plate and needs you to take charge of them.
2) Do things you see needing to be done
If you see the dishes need doing do them. If your wife hasn’t started dinner, cook it for her. If the room needs to be sweeped, sweep it. Whether your wife stays home or works, she is busy tending your children or doing another chore. Think about this, if you didn’t have her you would need to do everything. So don’t make her do everything when she has you. She has you and should be better off with you than without.
3) Know where things are
Know where things in your home are kept. You shouldn’t have to ask where a dish goes, or where to find your kid’s socks. Your wife doesn’t need someone asking her where stuff is when she’s trying to take care of a million other things. You live there, you should be active in the household.
4) Know about upcoming events and what’s needed in the house
Your spouse is constantly making mental notes. ”We need more ketchup.” ”Birthday party next Saturday.” ”Doctors appointment Tuesday 9:00am.” Hearing, ”I didn’t know that was today” or ”I didn’t know we were out of ketchup” will drive her insane. Become more involved and attentive to the needs of your household. Grab that ketchup on the way home from work, or offer to drop your child off at the birthday party. Ask about the doctors appointment. It shows you care and are an active member of the household.
5) Spend time with your child
This is beneficial to your wife, your child, and yourself. If you only have two hours once you’re home to spend with your child before they go to bed then spend that time with them. Play with them, read to them, get to know their interests. It strengthens you and your child’s bond while giving your wife a break or time to get something done.
6) Be active in parenting your child
Similar to the above, don’t just play with your child, but parent them also. Discipline them, give advice, do an activity with them, read the Bible with them, etc.
7) Let her have girls night or me time
Your wife won’t thank you enough. Give her space and time. Whether she wants to go out for Mimosas with friends or curl up with her favorite book. While she’s taking a break take over what she normally deals with on a day to day basis. Clean, parent, cook, etc. If you’re not sure what to do ask for a list of things she’d be doing if she wasn’t taking me time.
8) Learn to speak her love language
Every person is different. We each speak a different love language. A love language is simply the kind of acts that make a person feel loved. There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. I highly suggest every couple read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. You can find a copy here.
9) Organize date night
When was the last time you had a date night? To keep romance and your marriage alive date nights are key. Some people use a 2/2/2 rule: date night every two weeks, weekend getaway every two months, a vacation every two years. If you’re like me a weekend away from the kids may not be feasible, but you get the idea.
10) Support her ambitions
Your wife is one of your biggest supporters and cheerleaders. She needs you to be the same for her. If she wants to start a blog help her have an hour alone to work on it in the evenings. If she wants to learn a new language get her a book on it. If she wants to go back to school, help her work out childcare. She needs your support, just like she gives hers to you.
I hope this gives you ideas on how to better support your wife. Comment below thing you do to support your spouse!
It’s 1am. The past week my son had ruff nights and my body has adjusted to being up at this time. The past couple nights I just tossed and turned till about 3am, thoughts racing, unable to sleep.
“The house is such a mess.” “You can’t even get simple things done with a toddler.” “You can’t multitask.” “You don’t contribute to this household.” “You’re a bad mom.”
I know I’m not a bad mom, but struggling to keep my house clean drives me crazy! During the day the mess overwhelms me I feel exhausted just looking at it and nothing gets done. I take care of my son and nothing else.
I read an article the other day about a woman who’s therapist told her to “run the dishwasher twice” or “hire a maid” and that there’s no rules when it comes to keeping a house clean or self care. At the time I agreed but couldn’t help, but think, “That’s not helpful to me. I don’t have a dishwasher, and definitely can’t afford a maid.”
Tonight I found my rule breaker. Instead of tossing and turning trying to get back to sleep when my body clearly wasn’t having it. I got up. I was motivated and I cleaned the kitchen. I did a load of laundry, I did dishes. I felt proud of myself.
I’m not sure why the other nights I didn’t just get up. Something in me just said, “That’s not normal.” So what if it’s not normal? It makes me happy. It gets stuff done. It makes my life easier. There is no rule saying I can’t do the dishes at 1am.
So tonight as I type this before I start on the living room I want to encourage you to break your rules. Do the dishes, and know that you’re not a bad mom! Simply taking care of a child is enough. You love them and that makes you the best mom you can be.
The Modern Christian Mom 